Cathartic Cuddling & Sexual Healing
What is cuddling ? Who’s doing it? And why is cathartic, loving, consensual touch so important?
Cuddling is one of the best ways to create close bonds and release the delightful little bugger of bliss — what we commonly call: oxytocin. There are many ways of cuddling that include the typical “spooning,” a revised “forking,” and the newest coined term “contact cuddling.” Cuddling is a fantastic way to awaken your body to it’s natural relaxation and meditative states of being, again - praise oxytocin and the fantastic ways of experiencing it. Through this consensual and cathartic practice, two-sometimes 3 or even more (Ok, I’ve been in cuddle puddles with 14 people before!).. come together to breathe and retreat from the outside world, giving them all a deep sense of peace.
So, who’s doing it? Well, you see cuddlers on the trains, in the subways, at the movies, and even in the park. There are companies who hold consensual cuddle parties where you can learn consent (an important way of setting boundaries to practice truly receiving what you need from another person) AND companies where you can hire a professional cuddle-friend.
Why would you need to hire someone or go to a party to cuddle you might be wondering?
Welll…. the world is changing, my love - and it’s time we start to reintegrate the ancient wisdom of living in community and tribe.
Think about this — I see clients sometimes who haven’t received a hug in a week. That means in one whole week they have no had a single, loving touch from anyone. Perhaps they’ve shaken hands at work, or brushed up against someone on the local transit.. but those experiences are not intentional nor are they often times healing and we know - WE SCIENTIFICALLY KNOW - the importance of sharing loving touch with others. As children and even adults it supports the body in developing sound non-verbal communication skills - and even as an elder it supports in the body reversing aging due to the friendly connection and encouragement.
In a world where it is socially inappropriate to hug your boss or even be seen comforting a crying friend - our bodies, minds and spirits are crying out for oxytocin, loving touch, the cathartic healing that consensual cuddling offers.
So here’s the real - real. As a sex therapist and tantrika set on healing the sexual wounds of women and men, I know how important non-sexual, loving touch can be. I know this first hand and from my clients.
By the time I was 25 I had been raped and molested a handful of times. Some men called me in my later years to apologize and some I hid from my parents only to cry about under the guise of alcohol. My body never had the beautiful experience or romance of a first lover, which meant I was attracting these painful experiences over and over again.. not really understanding why. I mean, YES, I’m a beautiful babe with sensuality oozing from her pores — but that doesn’t mean I’m ever - no was I ever -“asking for it.”
When I came into the world of cuddling - first as a professional - and later as a casual practicer with friends - I had some really challenging and really cathartic experiences. At first I was still attracting clients from a place of ‘cuddle lack’ as I like to call. They were needy and also experienced sexual trauma or pain so they were coming from a deep and dark place. Those clients are what inspired me to study boundaries and consent so that I could stand up for myself and live in my power.
Ya see, I don’t actually believe they were to fault - they just hadn’t learned from anyone anything different and needed a guide to understand right from wrong. Ladies, that is why it is so important for you to learn to state your clear YES AND NO. Because you are in charge of shaping your future and your relationship experiences - especially the ones that involve touch.
As my own communication grew stronger, so did my ability to manifest better clients. Ones that truly just melted in the arms of another because they understood loving touch, respect, consensuality, and boundaries. ((I termed consentuality - it’s sensuality thats incredibly consensual and healing— YUM!)) That was my guiding grace to seeing my inner world reflected in my outer world. Delightful experiences of healing touch and healthy boundaries - men and women that were invested in their own health and expansion - and my own person excitement around teaching boundaries, communication, and consent. Win!
So where does my story come into play and how can this serve all of you?
In the past twenty years, 63% of our girls have been molested and raped as children and continually sexually abused after they turned 14. That means we are creating a society of traumatized humans fearful of any real connection and intimacy. Imagine women who live in Isolation and Pain.. I was one of them.
But there’s always hope. ALWAYS. Through bodywork, energetic healing, and especially cuddling — you can transform your experience of painful separation and self-loathing to one of extreme self-love, compassion, and passion.
Through communities that open their arms in loving (consensual and non-sexual) touch I was given a chance at rewiring my brain to receive LOVE rather than Domination or Abuse. Rather than thinking I was just a sexual toy — I was reminded that I’m just a sweet be-ing who has a choice in who she has those deep and intimate connections with. That’s what you deserve too, sister. To be held in loving touch and HONORED for the embodied Priestess that you truly are.
Sex is meant to be special and sweet - share between two consenting adults who have come to clear agreements around their experience together and how they mean to create. Sex and sensuality are fun and fanciful when done in ways that are open and expansive between both parties.
SEXUALITY AND SENSUALITY are not the same though — and if we as a society continue to celebrate sexuality in mass media and through advertisements without teaching the proper ways to communicate boundaries, consent, and mutual pleasure — we will never know a happy world.
A world where friends can hug and kiss in the open because there’s no judgement around the SIMPLE pleasures of being alive - which means that more people are experiencing that delicious oxytocin, are feeling truly relaxed and at least —a world where You, sister, are celebrated for being in your FULL EXPRESSION and feel safe because you know how to move through life with strong boundaries and receive your desires.
That world is possible.. and I believe it starts one cathartic cuddle at a time. Your skin is a huge organ that learns and grows through sensation. When there’s molest, rape, or trauma to the skin or even psyche there’s a break in natural development. Coming into a place where there’s no expectations on performance or sexual desires means that the body can receive the loving touch it actually needs to perform as an optimal human.
I’d love to hear your take on cuddling and how you feel cuddling has supported your life. Do you feel comfortable cuddling your friends? Your parents? Heck, your kids? Are you ready for more relaxation and even deep healing around sacred touch in your life? Perhaps you need loving touch in your life through massage or body work. If you are - reach out to me and lets have a conversation about where you’re feeling blocked to receive these simple pleasures so that your body can have it’s basic needs met, too.
There is a world where people come together to laugh and giggle, breathe and cuddle.. and that world exists. If you’re ready this and intrigued - maybe it’s your time to melt the boundaries of your heart.. and get the oxytocin bliss you need.
I love you!